Distraction

I was looking for a distraction. A way to keep pushing the feelings down. A way to keep from walking away. A little bit of hope so things wouldn't feel so bad.

I was looking for a distraction. So I could keep from just walking away.

I found you.

I found amazing.

I was able to touch the sun.

I sat next to your star.

You held my hand.

You fell asleep on my chest.

You challenged me.

You confronted me.

You encouraged me.

You were kind to me.

You were more than I could ever imagine.

I was looking for a distraction.

And I found hope.

Light.

Love.

Love.

I found love.

I was loved. By you.

You didn't say it.

But I felt it.

You told me I was ok. All of me was ok.

For the first time, I was loved.

Truly loved.

Deeply loved.

By you.

Could I just let you go?

Could I walk away?

I couldn't.

You did.

I understand.

I want so much. I do.

But more than anything, I want to say: Thank you.

I'm doing it.

Moving forward.

Walking up to my problems and challenges and issues and dealing with them.

All of them.

It's not easy. I make mistakes. It hurts. Bad.

But. You challenged me. Got me to this place.

I don't expect you'll ever want more from me.

So. Thank you. I owe you more than I can ever repay.

If you ever... ever … ever need a thing. Anything. I'm here.

If by some chance, you want more... I will be thrilled. I can't describe what that would mean to me. You were my light in the darkest days.

And yes. I understand. You may not. Probably won't. And that's ok.  I'm ok.

And so. Thank you.

I am … there's not a number … I am sooooooo much better because you came into my life.

And I finally know what it feels like to be truly loved. And I'll never accept anything less.

So, thanks for being a distraction …

And for not letting yourself be just a distraction.