Don't Touch Me

I don't like... can't be touched.

Don't touch me.

Not since then.

Not now.

I can't.

I can't handle it.

I jump when someone touches me, even someone I know.

I can't do it.

Can't let it happen.

Not since the pain.

the biting, the hitting, the screaming.

Yes, it stopped, the hitting, when I was 9.

But. I can't be touched.

Sure, I've had lovers, given and received hugs, but it's awkward and strange and unless i'm just fucking, it's uncomfortable, painful.

When will your touch hurt me?

Better to not find out.

Until.

Until one night

Until that night...

In that room... that dark room. I couldn't even see you, you couldn't see me

All we had … was … touch

And you touched me like you were hungry

like you'd never touched a man before

Like you couldn't get enough

Your lips like fire on mine

You touched me... held me... so close...

And.

And.

I didn't jump

I touched you back

I held you

Not enough.

There's not enough

Of you...of us...of this

I was 43 years old the first time

The first time someone touched me like that

And now I know

And it's ALL I want

When you go 43 years without

And then discover

YOU were the only one

The only one to touch me

like that

I smile now, through the sadness

Thinking of that night, that touch, after

All of it

All of you

You can have anything you want

anything

All I ever want... is one more touch from you

To feel your fingers against my shoulders

To feel your lips on my skin

To pull you close to me like it's my last night alive

Anything you want

Anything at all

I'll give it all to you

For just one more moment of your touch

touch me

one. more. time.