The Simulation

The closest thing I can think of that describes this feeling is the feeling you get in that very first moment when you hold your child. Of course, if you've never had a child, you can't feel this. You don't know this feeling.

That's something that can't be simulated. Or, well, maybe it can b/c maybe everyone reacts … but in that instant, looking into the eyes of someone you helped create. That is real. Then there is "christening" or a photo or a dress or outfit or grandparents and all the other bullshit that is make believe.

But... if you'll let yourself have that instant...that moment...those few seconds. That feeling. That IS what LOVE is.

The simulation is designed to keep you from that feeling. Because if you felt that, you would do anything. If you felt that, you COULD do anything. And that would fuck up the simulation. So, you put on the tux and the dress and you get the apartment and the house and you buy the van you need for kids and you keep following the simulation.

This.

Is.

Real.

"I love the fuck out of you..." She said out loud.

I keep saying, alone, on walks … in my office.... at night "I love you so much...."

What I mean is: I LOVE you. As in: I've NEVER actually loved someone before. I loved in the simulation way.

This is different. And the only thing that comes close is that feeling... that instant - when you hold a child that's yours for the first time.

This IS love.

Fuck the simulation.