I Stood in Your Kitchen

I stood in your kitchen...

You were on the counter.

Sitting, your blonde hair flowing over your shoulders.

I told you.

I told you everything.

I'd already told you a lot.

But that night, I told it all.

I knew what might happen.

Frankly, I would probably have done the same if someone said those words to me.

But -- here's the deal. I loved you. I LOVE you still. And so, I told you all.

For us to go further, you needed to know. You'd probably find out anyway. At some point.

I've gone over that night again and again and again. And again.

And I could have pretended. I could have said different words. I could have made another move and we could have ended up in bed.

But I wasn't after your body or your sex or just being touched... I wanted (still want, btw) ALL of you.

And if I was going to ask for all of you, I was going to show you all of me.

And so I did.

I stood in your kitchen and I told you. I gave you the whole picture. ALL of me.

And you touched me (I don't let anyone touch me) … and you said you needed to process.

Yes, some things happened to me that I couldn't control.

And, then, my response.

I made those choices.

I made them... no one else chose to keep hiding and keeping secrets and locking away my heart. I made those choices. I did it.

And guess what?

The man who made those choices... that's the one you met. The one who thought you'd be another pleasant distraction on the way toward wherever.

I'm the man you said was "amazing."

I'm the one you said was the first to understand you.

I'm the one you hugged the first time we met.

I'm the one shared true intimacy with...

Yes, THAT guy.

The same one … the one who experienced those things. The one who made THOSE decisions.

In fact, I'd say it was those experiences, those decisions...that allowed me to love you.

I stood in your kitchen and I gave you ALL of me. ALL.

I didn't know how it would work out... I didn't know what path we would follow... none of it made sense.

But, I love you.

So. I told you. In your kitchen.

How many men will stand in your kitchen and admit to everything... will tell you everything... will put ALL of themselves out there?

NONE.

Well, there ARE a few, maybe.

Most men in my position that night would have been thinking about other things. Or playing games... or hiding the reality for as long as they could.

But I'd already showed you a lot of me. And you deserved to know it all.

If you can find a man who will give you more … and, truly, I hope you do... I want nothing more than to know you are happy.

But. You won't. It's not likely.

I told you 100% … I told you all -- I WILL still give you all of me.

I'm not perfect. And I own my flaws... at least for you. I've never really wanted to tell anyone else.

But, I LOVE you. And so I respect you enough to say it all.

And, here's the thing... You're not perfect, either.

And I'll take it. ALL of you.

You want to come home and cry in my arms and not tell me why? OK!

You want me to order us food and tell you funny stories so you don't have to think about it? OK!

You want me to go upstairs and read while you "think?" YES!

You want to drive with me all night and turn the music up and just scream? OK!

Here's the deal...

I know about the others... the ones who came before.

And I know what you'll probably find.

The next guy and the one after that. The ones who will stand in your kitchen and lie to you so they can have one more night in your arms. The ones who hope you never find out. The ones with secrets and lies and "other" lovers.

The ones who are angry, and take it out on you.

You might...maybe … in 100 years find a man who will give you more than I will.

And again, truly, I hope you do... I hope you find him and you're happy and you're smiling and you're safe.

But know this: I stood in your kitchen and offered you a rare gift.

You don't have to want it. I know that's not how it works.

I know it would have been a lot to go through these last months with me...and even then, there'd be more. Believe me, I know.

And yes, selfishly, I want you to want it.

But, I want it for you  -- I want you to have someone who is sold out for you … who is willing to stand in your kitchen and put YOU first and tell the truth and not hide and not play games and not keep secrets...

The one who will stand open for you today and every single day.

I stood in your kitchen and offered you all of me …

That offer is still on the table …