I let you down ...

Before I even knew you, I let you down.

I made choices. Lots of choices. But the main choice: I accepted "good enough me."

There is a person inside me … the man you saw I could be … but, I was too comfortable, too complacent to claim him.

I knew. At some points, the pain was too much, too strong. And I thought: I'll do THIS now. But, I put it off.

And... life was good enough.

Sure, there was that time on a work trip when I cried after getting off the plane because I knew what could have been, what could be … if I would just... but, well, I didn't.

The irony in this is that I shouldn't even have been where I was when I met you. Had no business there. Being in that place was part of "good enough me." The part that didn't deserve what we had, if only briefly. So, there I was. And, there you were.

But … here's the thing: Because I accepted "good enough" for so long, I wasn't ready. I was in no position to ask you what I did on that last night.

But I asked. And you didn't say no … not right away.

But, of course, you did. Anyone would … I'd tell 100% of my friends to walk away if someone asked what I did. And I LOVE you... so, walking away was the right thing... for you. And, well, for me.

Because you walked away, I was forced to deal with "good enough me."

Fuck good enough me.

I don't know... I don't know how to articulate how much I'd give to have dealt with this ANY time before the day we met.

I never knew there was a you.

I've met so many people in so many places and had so many fulfilling encounters, relationships, etc...

NOTHING comes close to this... to what we had... what we both saw we could have.

But … I let you down. Before I knew you.

I promise this: I'm better .. and I'll be 100% open with you going forward, just like I was then.

I would bet on my life that you will never find a man more committed, more devoted, more all-in with you than I am.

Here's what that means: I want you to be happy. Period.

That doesn't have to be with me... I had accepted good enough for so long … and you deserve better.

I fully accept that there's someone out there who will be committed to you, who will be living his best life, and who will embrace you.

Will he be as "all-in" as I am? I doubt it … but, you deserve that happiness of being wanted by a man who has all his things in order.

Had you said yes that night, I'm not sure I'd be here now … truly, you gave me the most beautiful gift -- the desire to get my shit together.

I will forever be here for you. In any way you need. Not desperate, not weird or creepy. Just here.

You gave me a gift greater than anything I've ever received.

And the only way I can repay you is to be 100% the man you saw inside. If you never want to be with me as more than friends, I understand. Just know that I know... and promise me you'll never accept "good enough" for yourself.