One year later ...

I wish the first text you had sent me had been on Labor Day 2019.

I wish the first time you'd invited me to your apartment, it was September 19, 2019.

I wish our first coffee was in the late fall of 2019.

I wish we'd planned our trip for late November of 2019.

I wish I hadn't yet held your hand at a ballet.



You see, I'm a better man now.

I'm fully ready.

In a way I wasn't just one year ago.


I won't say I've conquered everything. I'm still working, will always be working.

But instead of running away, I'm taking on. Confronting.


Here's the thing: My motivation to take these things on is YOU.

Sure, you moved on … and, wisely so.

But. Had I not seen you, known you, been with you, I would have never thought YOU were possible. Not for me.

You loved me .. you really, truly loved me. You loved me enough to let me go because you knew that's what I needed.

None of what happened between us made any sense.

Not those first texts, not the coffee, not the trip, not your apartment, … none of it.

Both of us had to suspend rational thought to keep moving forward.

But we both wanted each other.

And neither of us wanted it to stop.

And, in our minds, we both knew it couldn't be more.

Not then.

Now, though, it can.

And I don't even know how to start.

What do I say?

Do I just call?

There's a history now. There's a "last night." A "last text." And there's … all this time.

Maybe someone is making you smile -- I do hope so.

Maybe there's someone who is ready for the best me. The one you saw.

If so, she'll owe you.

And … if you were just a way to prepare me for something even more amazing, thank you.

And … if you were just a moment of brightness in a typical existence, thank you.

And … thank you for texting me one year ago. For inviting me one year ago. For our trip, for our time, for our love.

Love begins with respect. You respected me enough to let me go when you knew that's what I needed.

You respected me enough to learn me... and not to walk away when you started hearing the reality.

You respected me enough to hold me and not ask questions.

Still … I dream of a world where we meet today … for the first time, and you know the best me … and that's the one you fall in love with and that's the one who takes you out and that's the one forever.

I love you. And, I may never love like this again.

So, thank you … for moving my life forward.